A few weekends ago I attended an adoption training workshop sponsored jointly by the ACLU of Florida and GLAAD (The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation). Dannie Tillman, Director of Field and Community Media at GLAAD led the training seminar and did a brilliant job (except it went over the allotted time and I am picky about those things). One of the training sections was called “Targeting Your Audience” and dealt with the moveable middle.

A background: Broad categories of audiences when discussing LGBT issues include the BASE, the OPPOSITION, and, the MOVEABLE MIDDLE. The base is those that are already supportive of our community or issues. We do not need to change their minds. The opposition is those who actively oppose our community and issues and are not likely to change their minds. The moveable middle are those that are neither entirely supportive or rigidly against our community or issues—in some cases our message can play a role in changing their minds about our community and issues. When we are trying to change hearts and minds about LGBT issues, your audience will often be the moveable middle.

On campus we face the same issues. At UCF there is our base—gays, lesbians, transgender, intersex, bisexual, questioning, and allies. These are the people who understand our community and issues and will support us in reaching out to the UCF community. There is also the opposition—and no matter what we do or what information we present, they will not change their minds. Then there are the majority of students, faculty and staff who fall into the moveable middle. So how do we get to the moveable middle and how do we get them to understand our message?

First, avoid confusing language. Acronyms, jargon and phrases that your audience won’t understand should be avoided. For instance, LGBTQI is common place in our discussions—the moveable middle will not understand the acronym. Many will get the “G” and the “L” but after that they are totally lost. Recently, I sent some information to a friend who wanted to know how to give information on homosexuality and the Bible to an affirming friend of hers. Neither lady is a lesbian nor did either lady have a clue what LGBT meant. I had to start at the beginning and learn to eliminate my jargon from our conversations. Once this was brought to my attention I began to notice how often we use language that others don’t fully understand. “Family” means nothing to our straight counterparts. Listen to see how often you utilize jargon in talking with others.

Second, stay away from incendiary or inflammatory language. Questioning someone’s beliefs just to make a point will help them shift from the moveable middle to the opposition. When framing speech to deal with the movable middle consider THEIR view of the world, not yours. Don’t push gay rights…discuss fairness and equality. Remember, we are all in this together. When discussing marriage for gays and lesbians and adoption for gays in Florida don’t spend time discussing sexual orientation, adoption rights and discrimination. Instead, talk more about strong and loving families, hurting children and families, and providing forever homes with loving parents.

Finally, find common ground. Work hard to connect with the moveable middle on their terms. Just because something feels good or makes sense to you and your friends doesn’t mean it will resonate with the middle group. Utilize the language of common values, beliefs, hopes, and dreams. We are all on this planet together and most people are fair and open minded. Many people simply need education on the issues we face each day.

As you deal with “straight” people each day consider your word choices and what you are really asking them to do. As you speak to classes and friends on campus, consider the common ground you have with them and present your convincing arguments in language they will understand. Present information about fairness and equality without telling them they are wrong in some areas of their thoughts and beliefs. And most importantly, concentrate on shifting the thoughts and opinions of the moveable/teachable middle and let the opposition fall by the wayside.

Thanks to Dannie Tillman, GLAAD and the ACLU for the wonderful training class and for much of the content above!

The earthquake in Haiti has certainly brought out the “crazies” in our world. As a minister I am saddened that so many of the crazies seem to be attached to one religion or another. Thankfully, I guess, no one sect or group can claim to have all of the crazies worshipping in their tent. From Pat Robertson who truly believes that the Haitians made a pact with the devil many, many years ago to the group from Idaho who decided they should go to Haiti and take out lovely, little children for their personal and religious gain.

Natural disasters for some reason bring the true nut cases to television…and we watch them. And we often tolerate them and the ridiculous messages they bring. I think this is because they seem to have standing or authority in our community and they possess the financial means to be on television—so they must be correct and have something worthwhile to say.

As I thought about the crazies we see with natural disasters I was forced to think about some of the more interesting characters we have on campus at UCF. That’s right; I love the free speech zones on campus! I am amazed at the dedication to their causes that these folks possess. I wish those in the LGBTQA community were equally passionate.

More often than not those in the free speech zone are preaching condemnation to many of us on the UCF campus. Again, they are passionate about their message; sadly, their message is simply wrong. They have been wonderfully and skillfully indoctrinated by a mentor. I believe most of them are pretty delusional and have been horribly misled about God and God’s love for the entire world. After all, if you believe God is the creator and is infallible then all of God’s children/creations must be accepted (as is) or God made a mistake…and that does not go well with the theology being espoused in these free speck zones.

So how can you best deal with these fine folks? I have a lot of answers but here is the primary key: ignore them. In the world are 3 big groups of people: those who passionately agree with me (and of course they are the correct ones), those who vehemently disagree with me (those who are simply wrong), and the movable/teachable middle. And yes, I chose my adjectives carefully. You will not move groups one and two. We are who we are and we are not likely to change our minds on issues. It is the center group—the movable/teachable middle—where we must spend our time and energy. More about them in my next blog. Now, back to the original question, how do we deal with hate preachers on campus?

The following suggestions come from the “Stop the Hate” section on the Campus Pride, Inc. website (www.campuspride.org). They got the information from UC Santa Cruz Hate/Bias Peer Response Team and The Consortium of Directors of LGBT Resources in Higher Education. I work in Information Fluency so I have to be sure and cite correctly my sources! Here are their suggestions:
“Hate preachers thrive on attention and publicity. They use provocative language in an attempt to ‘hook’ people. They frequently press charges and fund their homophobic campaigns by winning lawsuits. Some effective strategies that others have used include:
• Ignore the haters completely. Do not give them any media attention.
• Do NOT touch any of the haters. Some of these groups fund themselves by claiming they were ‘touched.’
• Conduct a positive campaign of rainbow ribbons, buttons, banners – ‘Not in R House.”
• Form a ‘moving circle of love’ – surrounding haters. Hide them! (Not sure this can be done in a free speech zone)
• Counter-schedule another ‘unity’ event at the same time.
• Create a fundraiser for a positive group on campus. Every time the haters use words like ‘fag’ have pledgers donate a $1.
• Use the ‘Angels’ strategy used by allies at Matthew Shepard’s funeral. People wear white gowns and construct HUGE angel wings to wear. They stand with their backs silently to the protesters and ‘block’ the hater signs.
• Play music like “I’m coming out” and dance around them.
• Grab a bunch of people and have a same-sex kiss-in all around the protesters.”

I am not really sure any one of these is more effective than another. I am not sure these are the best suggestions in the world. But there comes a time when you have to speak out—or be willing to be second class citizens for the remainder of your lives. Shall we continue to let the “crazies” dominate the media or do ensure our voices are also heard?

Maine is a great case study for activism, the kind of activism that is often in conflict with the agenda of many LGBT rights groups.

In Maine the pro-gay marriage groups raised over two times the amount of money than did the groups opposed to the new law. Thousands of Maine citizens went door to door and worked phone banks about equality for all Maine citizens. Jesse Connolly from the Protect Maine equality group said, “Hundreds of thousands of Maine voters stood for equality, but in the end, it wasn’t enough.” Marc Mutty, a spokesperson for the Yes on 1 Campaign said, “We prevailed because the people of Maine, the silent majority, the folks back home, spoke with their vote.”

After the defeat many activists decided to blame our new president. “He should have been more active and spoken up for equality”, many have said. Others have blamed the Democratic National Committee for not supporting equality in Maine. Now, finally, activists are beginning to question the state-to-state approach of gaining equality and equal rights for all people. Do I think all of these people and groups can share in the blame for the defeat in Maine and throughout the US? Yes, but to a minimal degree. So who is at fault?

Evan Wolfson, executive director, Freedom to Marry said, “We will work harder and learn better to dispel the distractions and fears that are keeping a smaller and smaller slice of Americans from treating others fairly. Each conversation, each day, each story, each win will bring America closer to equality in marriage.”

Here are my thoughts. First, state-by-state fights for marriage equality are not worth the time and energy given to the fight. Benefits from recognized marriage come from the federal government and that is where the fight must take place. Other than a brief moment of satisfaction, I gain very little by being able to marry someone in Florida if the marriage is not recognized by the federal government. I have many friends who have gone to other states and to Canada to marry their partners (some after many, many years of being together in monogamous relationships). I applaud them if it is what they wish to do and it makes them happy. But from a purely political viewpoint, how does a marriage in Canada benefit the couple when they are living in Florida? Again, I get the personal benefits and would likely do the same thing in their situation; but, does it really matter in the wonderful world of politics?

Second, whatever happened to grassroots work on the local level? We have failed to teach many young people the importance of voting in EVERY election—and we older folks seem to have forgotten the power of our vote as well. With all due respect to local political action and community service groups, there is little to no training and organization in Central Florida to get out a vote when we have elections. I am thankful for the work the groups do, but too often raising money is the primary focus. The focus must be on the individual level. Maine, while still losing, did a great job with door-to-door canvassing of neighborhoods. Where are our local efforts?

Finally, in fighting for LGBT issues in state legislatures we spend all of the hard earned donations to activist groups on lobbyists. I am not saying this doesn’t have a place in our activist efforts; I am saying it cannot be the only place where our local money goes. Lobbyists are expensive and often produce few results. Donations are slipping in the current economy. Money is tight for all groups. With this reality, many activists groups spend more time trying to raise funds than they do in training local folks about grassroots politics. Then when it is time for a vote we are shocked when mechanisms are not in place to win an election or that the general population is not as excited about the issue as those who run organizations. Our lobbyists only get one vote—just like every other citizen. Is a party to raise funds at “a really fabulous home” more important or even of equal importance to teaching the local electorate about our issues and organizing a “get out the vote” campaign? As one who has no money to contribute to the cause (in the denominations suggested by our local groups at their fabulous fundraising events), I suggest trying the grassroots approach. 10 people giving $20 is just as good as one person giving $200. And I don’t even care where your event is held. Then when it is time to vote you have 10 votes instead of just one. Ignore those of us who are middle class and lower to middle class at your own peril. But don’t be shocked when we keep losing battles for equality.

Wrong side of history

By Mark Sullivan, Managing Editor of Guide magazine, December 2009

Several years ago, I watched as my mother trundled off to Mass one morning. She had long since stopping asking my father whether he was coming along. Her only comment was that he shouldn’t eat “everything in the refrigerator” before she returned.

After she left, my father joked about how he hoped she didn’t rush home, because he enjoyed having “a couple of hours of peace and quiet.”

Then he got serious, and admitted he had plenty of problems with the Catholic Church. The news that it had for years been covering up reports of priests abusing children was only its most recent transgression. He felt disheartened that on so many issues, the church had been on the wrong side of history.

I thought of my father this morning when I read the news that voters in Maine had stripped marriage rights from gay couples. Just as the Mormons had worked so hard last year to repeal same-sex marriage in California, the Catholic Church has poured so much of its resources into doing the same thing in Maine.

This isn’t a case of a few impassioned pleas from the pulpits. At a time when it is shuttering churches for lack of funds, the Catholic Diocese of Portland pumped hundreds of thousands into the repeal campaign.

Bishop Richard Malone warned that same-sex marriage was a “dangerous sociological experiment” that would “reverberate through society with tragic consequences.”

Malone’s comments are measured compared to those made by other church leaders. The Catholic Archdiocese of Guam last week issued a statement saying, in effect, that gays are worse than terrorists.
“Islamic fundamentalists clearly understand the damage that homosexual behavior inflicts on a culture,” read the three-page statement. “That is why they repress such behavior by death. It may be brutal at times, but any culture that is able to produce wave after wave of suicide bombers (women as well as men) is a culture that at least knows how to value self-sacrifice.”

Gays are no longer welcome in the Vatican, not even as tourists, according to one bishop. Janusz Kaleta said stepping foot inside would be “a provocation and an abuse of this place.”

This anti-gay rhetoric is coming directly from the top. After all, it was Pope Benedict XVI, when he was still Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, who in 1986 penned a letter calling homosexuality “an intrinsic moral evil.” Six years later, he issued a statement that bias against gays couldn’t be compared to that based on race or religion, and that it was “not unjust discrimination to take sexual orientation into account.”

Less than a year ago, Pope Benedict spoke about gender roles and how those who that did not follow the laws
“set down by creation” were in “violation of the natural order.”

Choosing this particular path, the Catholic Church is taking quite a risk. The number of Catholics in the US is declining (offset somewhat by new immigrants). The drop is even more precipitous in New England, which has lost one million congregants in the past two decades. And they are not migrating to other religions. Most now report having none.

Will the church’s hard-line stance on homosexuality slow the decline? Most likely it will do just the opposite. The more bishops rail against gays, progressive and even middle-of-the-road Catholics are likely to leave in droves. They may not be in favor of same-sex marriage, but they’re all for treating gays with respect.

For proof, look to Europe. A poll released earlier this year of young people in Spain, long a Catholic country, found that less than half consider themselves part of the church. They blame outdated teachings on homosexuality, abortion and other issues.

Once again, the Catholic Church is on the wrong side of history. And it may find that this time its members aren’t going along for the ride.

The Maine Vote: Why Gay Marriage Is a Generational Issue
Katie Connolly
Marriage-equality proponents are staring blankly into their coffee mugs today, wondering just what went wrong in Maine. It was supposed to be the place that proved the national tide is turning on gay rights. Yet voters endorsed a proposal to overturn an existing gay-marriage sanction. It’s certainly a setback for the movement, but it’s not the end. Not even close.

I tend to think of gay rights as a generational issue. Nate Silver, the FiveThirtyEight blogger who builds extraordinarily insightful electoral models, finds that support for banning gay marriage is eroding at a pace of 2 percentage points each year. Young people tend to be more supportive, and over time, I think that view will prevail. In years to come, opposition to gay rights will be as outdated a mindset as denying women the vote seems today. The train is moving in one direction, and, like many movements before it, young people are driving.

There are lots of reasons young people are less bothered by gay rights than older folks. Young people are more comfortable coming out than ever (although I imagine it’s still no easy feat). More and more young people know someone who is openly gay, and research conducted by Gallup indicates that people are more likely to support gay rights, like marriage, if they personally know someone who is gay. A Hattaway Communications/Lake Research Partners poll conducted earlier this year in Massachusetts also found that opposition to gay marriage had diminished significantly since that state first legalized it more than five years ago. As Massachusetts residents grew accustomed to having gay married couples in their state, the poll found that they even began to associate marriage equality with promoting family values.

Another, albeit less concrete, indicator of shifting political terrain is the contemporary abundance of positive representations of gays in popular culture, usually in TV shows that skew toward a younger demographic. I remember when Matt, the gay character on Melrose Place, seemed groundbreaking. Nowadays it’s entirely commonplace to have a permanent gay character. Think Grey’s Anatomy, Ugly Betty, Glee, Modern Family, The Office, Entourage—even as far back as Will & Grace, Dawson’s Creek, and Buffy. All these shows appeal to younger audiences, and none has suffered serious backlash from the presence of gay characters. Certainly this isn’t a scientific measure, but cultural representations, particularly those embraced by youth, often presage broader social change.

The Maine vote is truly disappointing for gay-rights activists, the fate of the minority again being decided by an unsympathetic majority. But it should be considered in context. It was an off-cycle vote, and such elections always have lower turnout than presidentials. Off-cycle demographics also tend to skew older, into demographics far less supportive of gay rights. There was also the odd wording of the ballot itself, which required proponents of gay marriage to vote no.

In many civil-rights movements, change can be slow, incremental, and suffer setbacks before making progress. As the movement gains traction, resisters dig in, the prospect of change prompting them to hold more fiercely to their position. It’s a classic dance—two steps forward, one back. Maine is one step back, for sure, but I believe time will show we witnessed the real long-term trend in Washington state.

Many of my gay friends understand that I enjoy Brothers and Sisters—not so many that I love football (college football is my favorite). It has been that way most of my life. As a young child I played school with the girl next door and football and basketball with the boys in the neighborhood. In elementary school and high school I continued to play football and basketball. I also took piano lessons, learned how to arrange flowers and loved cooking. One of my very best gay male friends growing up often said, “You would be the perfect husband except for that football fetish.” I never thought of it as a fetish but maybe that is a reflection for a different time.

I was the jock/slacker in high school that happened to also like boys (something I hid very well growing up in middle GA). I often laughed at the lone, out, gay boy in our school that was very much the stereotype. My graduating class had over 2,000 students and we were the largest high school in the nation and he was the only openly gay person I knew. He was a bit too swishy for me. He was the only male cheerleader at a time in central GA when there were no male cheerleaders. He pretty much dressed like the female cheerleaders and that scared me. He was flamboyant and that frightened me. He played in the annual powder puff football game previously restricted to only females. I thought he would do well to “man up.” Yet, he also fascinated me.

We also had the lone out teacher in my high school. He had spent years teaching at the girls senior high school and wasn’t very happy to now have to teach in an integrated school (races and sexes). Like the student in the previous paragraph, this teacher was a bit “feminine.” His clothes were expensive and he wore them well and proudly. He wore sweater vests, colorful ties, bow ties, corduroy and even leather now and then. He also was well known for singing and dancing in the local musical theater. He too scared me. He also fascinated me.

As a young, gay male what I wanted more than anything in the world was a role model or a friend who was dealing with the same issues that I was dealing with. Sadly, all I got were stereotypes that scared me. As I look back a lot of years later I offer these lessons:
1. I wish I had the guts to get to know both the teacher and the student who were willing to be out and proud much earlier than I did (I finally got to know the teacher when I chose to participate in community theater).
2. I wish I had not made fun of them but had attempted to understand them and through that would have probably understood myself a lot better at an earlier age.
3. These two people have had a great influence on my life—far more than I expected over the years and I hope to do the same for others in the LGBT community.

Today I took my middle child (a Dachshund) to the veterinary hospital for a follow up visit after his surgery a couple of months ago. He had a slipped disk and the disk severed his spinal cord. It was not a pretty sight. Like me, he is also a bit overweight so his recovery has been difficult. Anyway, he got an excellent report from his doctor and they are amazed at his progress. He has lost 4 pounds (19% of his weight) over the past two months. During the same period I have stuck to my new eating plan (highly encouraged by my doctor) and exercised almost every day. I have lost 14 pounds (4% of my weight). Based on his progress, and my lackluster progress, I have decided that I need to be crated most of the day and have someone feed me only if I do my exercises correctly. Not sure why that strange thought happened but there it was on my way to UCF after my visit with Hershey to the vet.

I also thought about texting while driving. I am lousy at it. I swerve all over the road and understand why it is outlawed in some states. I am far too “distractable” to do more than one thing at a time. Then it hit me—we all need a designated texter. When I was in college I didn’t often drink so I became the designated driver for many of my friends. I am convinced they only asked me to some parties because they knew I would be sober and would drive them home or to the dorms. So how about a designated texter? The driver could give his/her phone to a passenger who could then text without a lot of issues. I think it could work. Just hope a text from your special friend doesn’t come in while your boyfriend is texting for you.

On another note, be sure to watch the YouTube clip (Philip Spooner) at the top of the News & Blog page. It is amazing.

Watch this YouTube video of the candlelight vigil held this past Thursday in Orlando. Would we respond more or differently if we actually knew this guy as a friend or family member?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEusaQyW8QM&feature

A candlelight vigil was held for South Florida hate crime victim, Craig Cohen, in Orlando on October 15. Led by Micheal Vance of GLBT Center, and Rev. Linn Possell. Produced by V. Nantz. Craig Cohen was beaten and robbed in April 2009 and remained in a coma until his death in October. The Broward Co. Sheriff confirms it is being investigated as an anti-gay hate crime.

On Friday evening I gathered to celebrate the life of a friend’s mother who recently passed away. It was a beautiful service and one that paid tribute to a life well lived and a life that had substance and meaning. A life-long Librarian who shared her love of books and reading with many young children over the years, her memorial service reminded me that the goal for all of us should be to make the world better for those who follow us and to enrich the lives of those who come in contact with us: A pretty big goal for all of us.

Saturday was a tossup between going to a football game or staying at home. I chose the latter. Did some work on a web site and just enjoyed the nothingness of Saturday evening at home. A rare occurrence so very much enjoyed.

Sunday was Come Out With Pride in Orlando. My house-mate and I went to Lake Eola around 1:30 and made the tour of the booths set up by various organizations and businesses. Ran into a lot of friends and acquaintances and enjoyed a fun time—just really hot. Watched the Come Out With Pride parade and took a lot of pictures. Attended the rally at the band shell and wished more people would learn about Toastmaster’s. Overall, a wonderful time; then it happened.

As we were leaving the park we ran into a cute little group of children-7 of them to be exact. Their ages appeared to be between 9 and 5. Cute looking little children…then they started talking to the group of 4 guys walking in front of us. It was crushing having just celebrated the experience of pride to hear these children call the guys faggots—over and over again. In the process, as we passed one of the bar stations the smallest child reached up and grabbed the tip jar from the bar. She put it back when the older child told her to do so. It helped, of course, that the bar tenders were headed towards her.

The faggot talk continued and the boy even suggested something we could all try to cure us—I tried it years ago but didn’t think it appropriate to discuss it with a 9 year old. One of the guys in the larger group, finally fed up with the children, told the boy he had tried his suggestion with his mother and she wasn’t very good. The little boy was just about to attack the older young man when another kid said, “Don’t hit him. He’ll call the cops and have you arrested. It’s what they do.” They walked on continuing their discussion of the faggot parade until the police finally came and ran them out of the area.

I thought a lot last night about the child’s comments. I did not grow up being called names. I was not “obviously gay.” I played football and basketball so I was not a stereotype. But I will never forget the first time someone called me a faggot. That sticks in my head like few other things. What an ending to a fun and interesting weekend. And the kid was right. If he had hit the other young adult I would have called the cops. It is what I do. It is what we all should do but I am crushed that he has learned such hatred at such a young age. Happy Pride!

It is my humble opinion that outing someone is the equivalent of a major felony crime (think murder). You do not know anyone’s situation in life—emotionally or financially—well enough to “out” them. It is not my job to determine when someone feels safe enough to come out of his or her closet. And it is not yours either. In a recent Watermark article entertainment journalist Steve Kmetko tells of his being outed just before getting a promotion to anchor in a newsroom. After being outed he was told to find a job in another area if he wanted to move up in the news business. In the end things worked out well for him, but he speaks of the pain and upheaval associated with being outed before he was ready to come out himself.

I am often asked about politicians—especially right-wing, DOMA supporting, Republicans—who are in the closet. I believe they also deserve privacy for their personal lives. Many will disagree with me since they are perhaps promoting positions that oppose my freedoms as a gay male and support legislation that offends me. Still, it is not my place to use their personal lives to get what I may want (even though I think they use my personal life for their gain). I find politicians to be like all other people—deserving of the right to make their own decisions. It has taken me a lot of years to get to this point, but I know that for me it is the right decision. It is my goal to “out” these fine closet cases in a different way—vote them out of office.

As I celebrate National Coming Out Day I will simply hope that more and more of those in the closet—no matter what their occupation—will decide to come out and be who they were created to be. But I will not participate in pushing someone out of their closet—no matter what I think of them and their decisions. And I am grateful for those who wanted to help push me out and chose not to do so. I am also grateful now to live fully out.

Enjoy the Come Out with Pride Parade in Orlando this coming Sunday and celebrate with 50,000 GLBTs and allies. A wonderful way to celebrate National Coming Out Day.